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Inner healing work,  Relationships

He hit me

domestic violence3

I don’t want to write this.

Like AT ALL.

But, for the past few weeks, I’ve been waking up at night churning to write about this.

This is something I can’t be quiet about.

So (deep breath) here it goes…

Many years ago (I won’t get into how long ago – you might think I’m old) 😉 I was in a relationship with a guy I was crazy about. He was everything I wanted. Except….he had a temper. And at times would become violent.

The outbursts weren’t horrible at first (well, maybe they were but I was too young to understand what was happening at the time). Each time they became more and more violent. More scary. More threatening. More damaging – emotionally and physically.

But, I loved him.

And I believed he loved me.

Round and round we went until I eventually left.

It’s been a LONG time.

I’ve healed. I’ve forgiven. I’ve chosen to love. I’ve moved on.

But, two years ago when I was pregnant with my youngest, I struggled with low blood sugar and one morning I passed out.

I was in the bathroom when it happened. Apparently, I hit the corner of the sink and wall on the way down. My face was pretty beat up.

When I came to, I was disoriented.

I didn’t know where I was. All I felt was the cold tile on my face and the swelling pain in my body.

I hadn’t felt that way since….

I started to shake and scream and cry hysterically.

Zac rushed in, picked me up and frantically called the doctor.

While he was getting ice packs and talking to the nurse on the phone, I sat motionless on the couch. He kept trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t talk…

I was quiet for a long time.

Eventually, he took me to the hospital to have the baby checked out and make sure everything was okay.

I remained pretty quiet.

But, random tears continued to fall throughout the day…

I wish I could explain to you what I was feeling. I wish I could’ve explained it to Zac. The feelings that returned in that moment on the floor were hell – one that nearly shattered me so many years ago.

(And, please don’t email me and ask me who it was, how old I was, etc. I’ve forgiven them and I love them. I decided long ago that I would not damage their reputation or air their dirty laundry. So please don’t ask) 🙂

BUT, I share this part of my life to lay the groundwork for this blog…

Over the years, God has brought many women into my life who have dealt with abuse. Many specifically who are married to men who are violent.

I hate this.

I hate that this happens.

I hate telling you that this happens in church.

In Christian families.

But it does.

One particular woman called me in hysterics after her husband violently attacked her children. But, I was her second phone call.

Her first call was to her pastor.

His recommendation was for them to come together for marriage counseling (with him) to focus on “restoration”. (All while her husband is going crazy beating her child in the background) No mention of safety. No mention to call the police.

Nothing.

She ran and ended up on the other end of the phone with me.

I walked her through calling the police and following the appropriate steps to gaining safety for herself and her children.

But, sadly that pastor’s reaction isn’t unusual.

Again, I don’t like writing this, because I love pastors. I love churches. But, this….this is something that is killing us.

And it’s breaking God’s heart.

The thing is, these pastors and churches, sincerely believe they are doing the right thing. They believe God hates divorce. And he does. But, they value the marriage as a greater priority than the people inside of the marriage.

And when domestic violence is involved, it is so dangerous.

I love you church.

I love you men and women.

But we can do better.

I once read a book called, Refuge A Pathway Out of Domestic Violence by Donald Stewart. He’s a veteran police officer and a Jesus lover. (FANTASTIC book btw) He shares countless accounts of domestic violence in the church and exposes a great need for understanding and protection for these women.

He challenges the idea that many pastors hold to which is: divorce is only biblical when there has been marital unfaithfulness or abandonment.

He takes a strong biblical stance that domestic violence is biblical abandonment.

I agree with him.

But, this isn’t an invitation for a theological debate. That is not the purpose of this blog. The purpose is to open your eyes to the women around you who may be living in a cycle of domestic violence.

They may be afraid to ask for help. They may have been told God wants them to stay. They may believe this is all God has for them and their children.

One of the women I walked through domestic violence wrote this after feeling abandoned by her church for not returning to her husband. She writes to her husband,

To the Abuser:

Why did we leave?  Most of the time you are a “normal” guy.  There are even times we have a lot of fun and laugh.  So it isn’t because you are awful all the time.  You are not always that monster. Maybe 10% of the time you are an abuser.  And at first look that doesn’t seem like a lot.  And for awhile I was even wondering if I could live with the 10%.  Should I throw away the 90% for the 10?  Did the 10% justify leaving??? But then I realized that after the 10% was over for you, the tears and the blood were not dry yet.  The painful words are still lingering. We were still in fear. In fear of the next time, wondering when and what would set off the next barrage. And I realized that your 10% became our 100%. And that is enough to leave over.

I cry when I read this.

I cry because it’s so real.

It’s terrifying.

It’s demonic.

And it’s not at all what God desires for his daughters.

He never intended us to live in a prison cell of fear.

Because He’s GOOD.

Sweet sisters, God is GOOD. SO SO GOOD. He’s such a good Father. Would any good father regulate his children into living like this? Afraid of being hit. Afraid of watching your kids be hit, be locked outside at night or threatened with knives and other weapons if they ever tried to leave?

NO.

He wouldn’t.

He doesn’t.

He protects. He guards. He heals. He loves. He provides rest. He provides safety.

Because He’s GOOD.

This is an outcry to challenge the church to walk like Jesus. Just read the gospels. Watch Jesus’ character. What do you believe he would tell an abused, beat up woman seeking safety from her abusive husband?

I will say it again.

He’s a GOOD FATHER.

AN AWESOME FATHER.

I’ve walked with these women. I’ve sat in the offices of Fresno domestic cases lawyer and ther attorneys with them while they shake trying to tell their story. I’ve been on the phone with them while they cry. I’ve looked in the eyes of children whose parents left them with black eyes and shattered trust.

But, I’ve also watched these women run to Jesus.

I’ve watched him transform a frail, broken shell of a woman into strong mighty warriors. I’ve watched it happen. And it’s AWESOME.

I know Jesus.

I’ve seen Him heal, restore and free these women and children.

All that being said, do I believe God can restore a damaged marriage? Yes. Do I believe he can restore one that included violence? Yes. But, not with the victims remaining in the home.

Restoration can happen if and only if the abuser seeks professional help (long term) and there is a strong network of professionals involved that walk them through that process. And even then, it’s something that should be handled very cautiously.

(If you or someone you know is in living in fear, please contact the police. File a report and ask them to refer to you a shelter for battered women and children. It isn’t something to be ashamed of. It happens to the poor, to the wealthy, to the Christian, to the non-Christian alike. It is part of the broken world we live in)

I love you. I champion you. I champion your story. And I pray that we ALL can open our eyes to those around us who may need us to help them find their voice.

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Proverbs 31:8

Hugs (and kinda teary eyes),

Anna

PS: I mentioned earlier, please don’t use this as a forum for theological debate. Any comment you write could be read by a woman living in a dangerous situation. These situations are real. Please use sensitivity and understand that your words could be the difference between her life and death.

PSS: A quick edit here: verbal and emotional/mental abuse can be equally as damaging if not worse. The internal scars can last much longer than a physical mark. If you are reading this and that is your situation, please know that everything I stated above applies to this kind of abuse also.

Author. Blogger. Speaker. Momma to 4.

74 Comments

  • Danielle

    Beautifully written. My prayers for strengths and God’s unending peace are with all those who are abused.

  • Sheri D

    Excellently written and so much truth in it. And having been there yourself gives hope to those you are helping. Keep up the work – it is so needed

  • Busymotherof5

    This is absolutely beautiful…I have been in such a similar situation as a teenager and college student…too young to really process…and it went on for 4 years…I get it…Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and especially for calling the church to step up…wonderfully written and beautifully spoken…your heart was heard…

  • Teresa McCarthy

    My pastor asked me, “What are you doing or saying to set him off?” One researcher states nearly 30% of evangelical homes experience some form of domestic violence. Thanks for this Anna. Beautifully done. Jesus really is the Healer! Love you!!!

  • rona1995

    I just pray that these words would be read by even one abused woman out there and they would cause her to seek help to get away. Bless you for putting this out there. The church needs to wake up to this sad reality as well.

    — It is the very things that we think we know that keep us from learning what we should know.

  • Cynthia

    Powerful piece and very timely. I worked at a shelter several years ago and am presently involved in an effort to get this issue in front of more pastors and church leaders. Praying that this information gets to all who need it–victims, perpetrators, and church leaders. Check out FOCUS Ministries; they are a nonprofit group working to raise awareness about domestic violence in churches.

  • Nita

    Thank you, Anna, for obeying God, for putting your knowledge, your wisdom, your pain into printed word. It is Word. And, as such, it will bring healing and new life. Thank you.

  • Lori Shuman

    I am so thrilled that you wrote this. So many women need to hear this message. They are dying to hear it. I actually teach a domestic violence class at a woman’s prison. It is estimated that over 85% of woman who are incarcerated have been in an abusive relationship or been abused. My experience tells me that number is much higher. Their stories are heartbreaking, but filled with strength. I encourage all the woman in my classes, to pay it forward so to speak. To use their experiences to help others, to speak up, not be silent about abuse…. Woman need to know that they are not alone and they are loved.!!!!

  • Nina

    Thank you for this. I have several Christian relatives who work in the family law area — people who don’t like the idea of divorce but see the reality of unhealthy relationships and relationships that leave children in dangerous or scary homes. Leaving is hard — the “bad” parties aren’t necessarily awful (I do know some men who have gotten help and become great husbands), but living in a very broken, dangerous home is not okay.

    A congregation as a whole has a lot more resources than a single pastor — you are one such resource who can minister to those in this situation and provide some hard-earned perspective and advice. I have seen so many pastors do their best, but many are not trained in the types of psychological, medical or legal interventions certain situations require. (After all, how can one person write a Sunday sermon, perform wedding and funerals, run a church, and provide therapy for every possible need?). I HATE that you went through this, but I’m so glad to see God using your hard-earned knowledge to minister to those who need your support and guidance.

  • Lynda Kidwell

    Thank you for sharing Anna – my heart goes out to all women living with violence. I too have been there and what you wrote is good and encouraging.

  • anonymous

    You’ve addressed physical abuse well but what about those of us who’ve endured the verbal & mental abuse? Those of us whose spouse will justify their actions by shame dumping on us & our children? What about those of us who are scared to leave because we have absolutely nothing to rely on financially? Or are scared because we don’t know how the spouse will handle it?
    Great blog and while I’m not physically being abused I felt as though you were soaking to me.

    • Calista

      Dear Anonymous, the same principle applies for verbal/mental/emotional abuse. That was my situation and I had no idea what to do. He was respected in our church family. I tried to be a “better” wife, focused on the children, and my volunteer work at church. Except for family members and a few very close friends, no one knew what I lived with because the abuse usually happened when no one else was around. He had a affair and that was my cue to force him to go to counseling with me or the marriage was over. I was prepared to do whatever I needed to do. God gave me peace to know that whatever my husband decided to do (or not do) I would be okay. I, too, didn’t have a job outside the home. Thankfully, my husband responded favorably to counseling. It’s been a little over 3 years now. We’re still seeing our counselor and things are better than I thought they could ever be. There is still work to do, but God is faithful even when man is not. Bless you, sweet sister. Please have hope in God. You are not alone.

  • Janet

    My pastor broke the mold. When I called after leaving the ER with a badly broken shoulder and a referrel for a surgeon. I called my pastor crying and simply asked “what do I do?” And he calmly and lovingly said “Janet if he won’t live by God’s laws he at will have to answer to man’s. He broke the law, make a report”. That statement woke me up, domestic violence wrong by any standard. I pray all women scared and abused find themselves a loving caring pastor like mine. Great job Anna! Beautifully written.

  • Dee

    I am 9 years out of an abusive marriage, and things still trigger that sense of panic. The line that resonated for me was “Your 10% has become our 100%”. That is one of the most poignant and clear definitions of abuse I have ever seen, and it is very true. Being clueless, I went to a man only marginally better than abusive hubby number 1, and I just continue to seek God’s understanding and grace to get me through this one. Thank you for being courageous enough to say such important things!

  • Kristin

    This is powerful.

    I recently wrote an article titled “How Smart People End Up in Dumb Relationships”. Growing up in a strong christian household, I thought I’d never end up in a toxic relationship, but this is a far more common issue than the majority of the Church will readily admit.

    Thank you for sharing this! I pray that many women are impacted by this wisdom you so eloquently shared.

  • Rebecca

    You have no idea what reading this article means to me. I was in an emotionally/mentally abusive marriage for 12 1/2 years. When he hit me, I was finished! The hardest part of my divorce was begging God’s forgiveness for seeking the divorce. As weeks became months and months became years, I realized God is so very good. I had struggles and hard times being a single Mom with sporadic child support. God never once failed me. Every challenge was met with Him by my side. Every need was filled by Him. My relationship with Him grew so strong and to this day, I look back on those years in complete awe of His Amazing Grace. I struggled with my “sin” for almost a year after my divorce, until my ex husband confessed in a phone call he had cheated on me several times (I suspected this). Only then was I able to reconcile in my mind that my divorce was “okay” in the eyes of God. Thank you so much for putting abusive relationships in perspective according to our loving Father. May God continue to bless you.

  • Matt

    Anna, you are so brave. The church is so regularly beat up these days by the world that it’s hard to step forward and “appear” to add to the trouble. But, it’s issues such as these that must be brought forward or no one deals with them and souls suffer. He’s looking for a spotless Bride. One where it’s members are SAFE! I applaud you and agree whole heartedly that it must be dealt with. So many things like this are kept hidden or swept under the rug and souls are lost because of it. A great read! A strong and well made statement. Thank you!

    I would like to repost this to my blog as a guest blogger. All credit to you and appropriate links. Let me know. My blog is below.

  • insanitybytes22

    Amen! I love this post. God loves us indeed, and He doesn’t want us to suffer abuse, especially not from the people who are supposed to love us. It’s not okay, I am absolutely certain of that. Life is hard enough, the world beats you down already, and God wants us lifted up, rejoicing in His victory.

  • kal3243

    This is good, good truth. I myself have not gone through something like this, but this post has made me more aware of those who have.

  • Keith

    Anna, thanks for sharing your painful story, but I am glad the physical abuse is behind you now, although the memories carry bad reverberations. The agency I volunteer with helps homeless working families, about 1/3 of which are DV victims. Your story will help many. I know a woman who had a similar experience with a minister. As a Christian myself, many ministers are not qualified to counsel DV victims. They need to guide them to a professional. Abusers tend not to change, so a well meaning minister could be adding fuel to a fire. My loudest message to DV victims is to get out while you can, especially if there are children involved. Thanks again for sharing this, Keith

  • Kimberly Hall Holmes

    I really agree with you; there is no place for women and children to be in danger of a man like that. They need to get out first then try to fix things if they can. Sadly it doesn’t always happen.
    So happy you are in such a great place now, though. God is so good.

  • Shellie

    Thank you for sharing your story, I have one very similar and am on the other side of it with a very similar mind set as you. I have forgiven, I love, and use my story for God’s Glory. Thank you for writing this!

  • Calista

    Anna, thank you for your brave post! This is a much needed message. By the way, I see from your About Me page you’re in KC. Me, too. 🙂

  • Gay Ingram

    I stood by and watched my son be abused, physically, emotionally, and psychologically. Her abuse resulted in a loss of their parental rights. It has taken my son years to come to a place where he once more trusts his own judgement and capabilities.
    He would never agree to divorce; they are still legally married but have lived separate lives now for a couple years. She found salvation and redemption while in prison. He is the first person she comes to when she finds herself ina needy place.
    I stand in awe at the grace of God that is at work rebuilding these two damaged lives.

  • Janine

    Anna – such a timely blog. Listening to the radio this morning I heard a heartbroken father detailing the descent of his daughter into the horror of a sociopathic / psychopathic marriage which ended in her death. Many saw the signs and wanted to help along the way; they did what they felt they could. She was about to leave him when he did the unthinkable. The point of this father’s message was for the audience to not be afraid to ask the question – “Are you okay?” We need to care by asking the hard questions and by providing help and a safe place to go.
    No-one deserves this abusive treatment – nothing justifies it. A history of some sort leads to it and we might understand how someone becomes an abuser – but that understanding never makes an excuse for it. We need to become ‘noticers’ of people and recognize the signs of hidden abuse. Whether it is hidden under clothing or hidden under skin.
    We could save someone’s life.

  • ekaterinaadamovna

    Thank you. Thankfully, I have never walked through this pain but I watched what my brother did to his wife for over 40 years. She never left. He did on several occasions, but was always taken back. Now that he is deceased, I have seen a woman, FINALLY, finding freedom and peace for the first time in her married life. I have seen a smile and laughter out loud that once seemed so foreign. Sadly, she could have had that peace long, long ago if she would have taken just a few simple steps. Yes, my brother needed help and never got it. But my sister-in-law also needed help. Please, there is no need for others to go through what my sister-in-law went through. If anyone is going through this torture and pain, please, please, get help. Both of you need help and help is available today.
    EA

  • Maddie

    Wow… this made me cry. Thank you for the reminder that this is a reality… an AWFUL reality. It’s heartbreaking that this happens in the world in general, but even within the church… THIS NEEDS TO STOP. This should not be. I’m so, so thankful that my church is aware of this and stands up for the abused, providing help for them. In all the women’s restrooms there they have posters that give the contact info of a”female first-responder”on staff, so they can get help if needed. But the fact that it happens to women I likely walk past every sunday, and I don’t even know what they are going through…

  • dianegates

    Anna, you are living proof that God will take those hateful things we go through, even something as evil and ugly as abuse, and work it for your good and His glory. And that’s what He’s doing with you now, precious one. You are helping women trapped in this despicable violence.

    But make no mistake ladies, if you are in an abusive marriage you need to report the abuse to the police, like Anna said, and get out. Remove yourself and your children to a safe place. God is good and no where in scripture is abuse condoned as normal.

    God tells husbands they are to love (cherish) us like a precious treasure. And they will be held accountable to God…in that day…if they refuse and abuse.

    This blog is a wonderful place to begin…share and get help. Ask people reading here to pray for you. God answers prayer and tells us in the Psalms “His thoughts toward you and me are as numerous as the sands of the sea.” You are God’s treasure, dear ladies–each one of you. Bless you, Anna.

  • Dimitris

    I am a 55 year old Greek male, married with two children and I COULDN’T AGREE WITH YOU MORE. And yes apart from physical, abuse might also take other forms such as verbal and psychological. In Special Forces around the world for years now, when they train their personnel to withstand torture they focus mostly on psychological and less on the physical aspect.
    The lesson I choose to take from this powerful post is “forgiveness”. I truly admire you for being able to forgive the ones who abused you. I know this can only come through empowerment by Jesus and I pray that the Lord will give me the same.

  • Sheri

    emotional,mental and financial abuse is abandonment also…scary part is they don’t leave physical marks for everyone to see

    • Connie

      The emotional and spiritual abuse can be so subtle that even the children are deceived. That is the most heartbreaking thing. How many times have I thought, “I wish he would hit me”. The fear is just as real without the bruises.

  • Vicki

    I too lived in that prison for 12 yrs. This was a long time ago. The memories remain…but, I moved on. Our pastor at the time said in counseling to me, “You need to learn to keep your mouth shut.” He is not all pastors. When I left the husband the next pastor told me I could not return to the church. I have tried to return to church…but all I do is cry. This has been so many years ago, but the pain was/is deep. I love Jesus! He has sustained me through all of my years since. I believe He heals wounds and continues to heal mine. Be safe sisters…Be safe. My heart is with you.

  • Kari B

    In the US alone, approximately 4,000 women die EACH YEAR at the hands of an abusive partner. THIRTY percent of women IN THE USA are victims of violence or sexual abuse from their partner at some point during their lifetime!

    As the (now adult) child of an abused woman, I cannot agree more with what you wrote. I watched my father, an alcoholic, pick up and thrown my mother into a wall and saw her body slide down to the floor only to have him pick her up and thrown her against the way again. I listened to her cries and pleas and the thuds of his fists against her body from – the protection of my closet with my older sister’s arms wrapped around me. I lived through my father taking my mother to the hospital FOUR times and never having a nurse or a doctor or a police officer question the cuts, bruises, black eyes or even the gash across her hand that caused one of her fingers to be paralyzed. That happened when she finally fought back – to protect her daughters. I bore the brunt of his anger earlier that same night when he decided I deserved my first and only beating; as did my sister when she tried to run down our busy street, only to have him pull her home by her hair. And NO ONE interfered. NO ONE stopped their car. NO ONE called the police. Why? Because back then if a woman or a child was beaten, they must have deserved it. Because they didn’t want to get involved. Because it was accepted.

    What happened to my mother defined my childhood, became the blueprint of my world, the foundation of my development. I was still very young when my mother finally left my father and later married one of the most wonderful men I’ll ever know. My father died without my forgiveness. I broke down and forgave him a few years later. But the pain remains – even as I write this. The stark, broken memories of a child who didn’t feel safe with her own father. I literally have holes in my childhood memories and while the rest aren’t all horrible, many of them are clouded with fear. One thing I took away from it – I’ve never allowed a man to be physically abusive to me and the one who ended up being emotionally abusive because my ex.

    My mother didn’t have the support of a church to go to then so I don’t know how she would have been received. Living with abuse is something the church needs to stand against. Sermons need to be preached against it and pastors need to live what they speak. Support leaders and groups need to to be formed. The Church NEEDS to reach out to communities and become the light in the darkness for these woman and families. Statistics are not in our favor. Most abusers do not stop without serious personal commitment, intervention and counseling. Allow me to repeat – in the US alone, approximately 4,000 women die EACH YEAR at the hands of an abusive partner. THIRTY percent of women IN THE USA are victims of violence or sexual abuse from their partner at some point during their lifetime! The Church needs to stand up and step forward! #Colossians316

  • Brenda Curry

    I, too, left a physically abusive marriage. I just want to share this wonderful resource – http://www.leslievernick.com. She is an amazing Christian counselor specializing in helping women in abusive situations. There are all kinds of resources on her blog site. She even took the time to email me personally. I highly recommend going to her site.

  • perfectlyimpefectlecia

    Thank you for sharing your story and reaching out to help woman who may be lost and in need of guidance and encouragement. I am a child of an abusive relationship and while I have forgiven and am healing, I know the lasting effects it has. I am so thankful and so proud that my Mom was brave and left and ultimately now has an amazing new husband who loves her and loves us and his grandchildren. I hate to think what any of our lives would be like had she stayed. I thank God that she did have the courage to leave and that we have the lives that we do. When I was in college I had a boyfriend raise his hand to hit me and when he did, I looked at him and said, “I dare you. See what happens.” I think my bravery stopped him. I don’t think he knew what to do with this little warrior. I know it’s because my Mom was brave that I knew I could be brave. He never did hit me but I did hear that he hit other woman. My heart breaks that anyone would stay in abusive relationship. I believe humans make God too small and I agree that God is so good. Thank you again.

  • Jessy

    Thank you for this, Anna!

    I was married to my physical/mental/emotional/financial abuser for ten years, because I was afraid to say no to his proposal and talked myself into believing the “good times” were worth it. I finally left because I did not want my son to grow up believing this was how a man behaved. I also left my church because I didn’t feel I was good enough to be there. I know better now!
    I am married to an amazing man who truly loves me and treats me as his equal and best friend. My son from my first marriage is about to graduate from high school and plans to become a police officer.

    To any women (or men) reading this that are trying to build the courage to leave – yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, this will stay with you for a long time, BUT there are so many survivors and supporters out there waiting to help you and share Christ’s love and hope with you, when you’re ready!

  • Tina Lewandowski

    Thank you for this article. I lived this life from the perspective of the child, watching my mother go through this exact scenario of going ot her pastor for help and sadly finding none. It pushed me away from the church for a very long time. 35 years to be exact. I only found my way home 2 years ago and I KNOW beyond any doubt that you are exactly right about what Jesus would do, and does do. I find this very healing to read. Again, Thank you <3

    On Wed, May 25, 2016 at 4:11 PM, just a jesus follower wrote:

    > Anna McCarthy posted: ” I don’t want to write this. Like AT ALL. But, for > the past few weeks, the Lord has been waking me up at night churning in me > to write about this. Because He’s in love with us. He’s in love with me. > He’s in love with you. And this is something I can’t ” >

  • onlyhope77

    Thank you Ana – I was one of these women many years ago. You wrote with such truth and clarity. I experienced so much of what you write I felt like you were in my head. Even the Church experience was mine to my horror and unbelief! My children still suffer as adults but the Lord has blessed and mended. Jesus is a great wonderful Poppa!!! Thank you again!

  • Jennifer.A

    Thank you for obeying the Holy Spirit and writing it. I believe many will be restored just by reading your message. I also believe that it is time for the children of God (and the church) to wake up.

  • David Cronk

    Again Anna, you are spot on. As a pastor I wholeheartedly agree with your wisdom on this.

    Thank you

  • thisjourneyiamon

    Thank you for writing this!
    I wanted to ask… would it be ok if I kept this and re-posted it in another location? (Maybe my own blog or somewhere else? All credit to you of course!
    I work with many women who have backgrounds like this or are in the midst of it and I love your perspective!

  • Just a Mama

    Reblogged this on amamasheart and commented:
    I have had the church leadership tell me if I would be more submissive I wouldn’t have been beaten. That’s insane. There is no excuse for abuse. Get out. You may walk away from everything familiar’ yes, it will be scary, but it so worth it. That marriage ended but today I have a husband that loves and adores me.

    • blackeyedbride

      I had a pastor say “a woman should submit to her husband” during his speech at my wedding. I laughed. Uncontrollably. I shouldn’t have said “I do.” My former husband used that phrase against me throughout our marriage.

  • Brenda Williams

    Thank you, Anna. This message is so true! I have not had to deal with abuse for me or my children. I am grateful to God for that. I love my husband and we have been so blessed. I have seen other women who have not been so blessed. I wholeheartedly agree. We need and must do better. No one should stay in a violent situation. I know we’ve all heard it so many times, but, maybe one woman needs to hear it just once more. You put it so well. I am sorry for what you had to endure and that it came back to “visit” you again to regain control of your life for even a day! God bless you.

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